I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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