and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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