Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
