Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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