some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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