His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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