when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
