I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
