I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
