he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
