I wish I could teleport
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
