i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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