I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
