Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
