i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
