conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
