i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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