Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
