I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
