He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
