You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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