i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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