hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize