If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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