Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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