Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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