Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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