I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
