After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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