Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
