hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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