evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
