Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
