I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
