yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
