You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
