Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
