She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
