She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
