I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
