I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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