His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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