Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize