Yo dont text me then not text me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
