you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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