I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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