she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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