My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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