you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
