I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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