why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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