I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
