i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize