i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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