my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my poor anus
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
