I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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