I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
