it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
