I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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