this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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