In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
