She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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