I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
