a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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