I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
