i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
