btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize