she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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