Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
