My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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