it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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