I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
